The Hollywood Official gets relationship advice from TV One’s ‘Love Addiction’ relationship therapist Hasani Pettiford.
THO: Thank you Hasani for taking time out of your busy schedule to talk with me about ‘Love Addiction.” Give me a brief run down on your background.
PETTIFORD: I have been a relationship expert for 14-years. I have traveled the country and parts of the world speaking on the topic of male/female interpersonal relationship, human sexuality, and self-development. I have written ten books two of which have been best sellers. I have my own couples retreat. I do relationship coaching, and premarital counseling. As a matter of fact I have huge event coming up soon it’s a relationship cruise (http://www.therelationshipcruise.com/) where couples married or unmarried can enhance and improve their relationship.
THO: Is the cruise just for couples?
PETTIFORD: No not all. Those who are either single or dating can learn what it takes to have a productive and beneficial relationship.
THO: ’Love Addiction’ why is it different from other “relationship” based shows?
PETTIFORD: I think that ‘Love Addiction” is a breath of fresh air. Finally we have a show that isn’t sensationalized, but entertaining, informational, and will allow people to have a teachable moment. It is more than just women fighting with each other; it is more than just dramatic couples. This is an opportunity to see couples in toxic relationships; family and friends who love them and want something better for them; trained therapist and relationship experts come in and try to help the couples work through their issues. As people watch the show they may be able to identify with the characters within the show because it reflects what they may be experiencing in their own relationships. I think that is the pull and will make everyone addicted to ‘Love Addiction’!
THO: Since the premiere of ‘Love Addiction’ there has been a number of interesting relationship dynamics played out on the show. The one that viewers talk about most is the episode with aspiring actor Bryant and his girlfriend Blair who had lupus. Because of her illness Bryant took advantage of Blair. What advice would you give to women in Blair’s situation?
PETTIFORD: I think it comes down to the love of respect you have for yourself. If you have high self-esteem, high self-worth, you value who you are and you have standards you won’t settle. So many women in that same scenario wind up settling for average or worst. They know that their man is cheating but as a long as he comes home at night and keeps her warm. Unfortunately a lot of women are desperate … a lot of men are desperate and put themselves in situations that seems beneficial for them. When we select who we want it is based on two things 1) physical and 2) emotional desirability. We see it played out over and over again. She said he was good looking and gorgeous. She was obviously physically attracted to him, his height, he’s 6ft tall. Those physical things are attractive to a lot of women but unfortunately that is not enough to maintain a healthy relationship.
THO: Why do people or women stay in unhealthy relationships?
PETTIFORD: There are many reasons. Rather than coming up with one good reason we should leave; we come up with a thousand reasons why we should stay: financially dependent, paying the car note, rent, and groceries. Women become so connected financially if he leaves she may become destitute. If a child is involved he may leave the child. Domestic violence equals fear. Because of low self-esteem they think that they couldn’t do any better thus trapped by their own situation.
THO: Do you or any of the therapist perform follow up visits with the couples that appear on the show?
PETTIFORD: We do not but each couple is offered counseling in LA that they can take advantage of.
THO: You wrote a book called “Why We Hate Black Women and Why We Should Love Them.” What was the motivation behind writing the book?
PETTIFORD: That’s the one book that when black women read the title they hate me. But when they read the book they love me. I just got sick and tired of every time I turned on the television or read an article in the paper or watch a YouTube vlogger it was nothing but hating and dogging the black woman. And even though, black men for years … for years have been the ones that have been attacked … a shift has taken place and now men are the ones on attack. There is a civil war that exists between men and women involving sexual games, a whole lot of bitterness, hurt, rage, animosity and mistrust between both genders. I wanted to speak to those issues.
THO: Where can people purchase “Why We Hate Black Women and Why We Should Love Them”?
PETTIFORD: Amazon.com, Barnes & Noble and the website http://www.whywehateblackwomen.com/
If you are in need of relationship counseling or want to learn more about Hasani Pettiford – go to: www.Hasani.com
‘Love Addiction’ airs on Wednesdays on TV One! Check local listing for airtimes.
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